Bored // Yellow Flicker Beat

Yes, I am aware that I blogged like 12 hours ago, but I’m really bored right now, hanging out at the library like I always do when I have to wait on my brother to get out of school.

The Purge is on right now, and I am so paranoid that someone is just going to come up behind me and shoot me in the head, or back, or leg or something. While all the normal rules still apply, anyone can shoot anyone who is still in the game. I seriously doubt anyone will come after me though, who would even know I was in the game besides the people I’m in an alliance with? They won’t shoot me, until the end anyway.

Today is also the first day of Fall Break. Well, not technically since there was a half day today, and I got out a little before 11 am. So I guess the first day of Fall Break would actually be Monday. My grandma from Minnesota is here, and my dad has the entire week off so I doubt I’ll be available for many group outings and the like.

Please. Try and hold back the tears.

I think I’m supposed to go see Annabelle tonight with my twin and Q but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. He found my blog, and now I think things are just weird. Am I weird? Yeah, it’s probably all because of me. I probably shouldn’t have said anything but since like May, I haven’t been able to shut up and I actually tell people how I feel now rather than keeping it all bottled up.

It feels nice to let everything out, but it’s also really terrifying. People will bring up things I’ve written on this blog and I swear I don’t even remember saying them, or that people know so much about my personal life now.

This post is not going to have any type of organization once I’m done with it, because I’m just writing as each little thought pops into my head. Just a heads up.

You know what sucks? Being short. It’s almost the worst thing on the planet. Speaking of planets, did you know Pluto’s planet status has been reinstated?

Back to being short. I can’t see anything that happens because everyone else who is watching something is taller than me by almost a mile, I’m sure. Also, talking to tall people feels kind of weird because I have to arch my neck backwards a full 90 degrees, and no I’m not exaggerating.

Q is absolutely driving me crazy. I don’t feel like elaborating on that, I just needed to say it… er, type it. Whatever.

I’m going to be sitting here for another hour. I wish I didn’t type so fast. Or that I actually read through my blogs before I post them, but no. I just go with the flow. It’s rad.

WAIT. I KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT.

Yellow Flicker Beat // Lorde

Ok. This song came out on Sept. 29, and can I just say that I can’t stop listening to it. I’s been on repeat on my phone for the last four days.

IT’S JUST THAT GOOD.

I love Lorde, so much. I love that her lyrics mean something, and that they aren’t just words thrown onto paper.

Yellow Flicker Beat is definitely my new favorite song. It’s also the first song on the soundtrack for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1. Lorde is curating the ENTIRE ALBUM.

I’m not sure what the song is about though. Most of the lines make me think it’s about suicide, but since it’s part of the Mockingjay soundtrack, it could also be about self empowerment. I’m just not sure.

I’m a princess cut from marble

This line in particular makes me think that maybe she died young, and the marble she’s cut from is her headstone, and that

And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie it.

Is about her hanging herself. I know this set of lyrics says she unties the rope, but I swear when I listen to it she says she dies, not she unties it.

But if she does untie the rope she has around her neck, then this could be self empowerment. She realizes that something so small could take her life, yet she keeps it in control. She is more powerful than the rope, more powerful than the thing that could kill her.

They used to shout my name, now they whisper it
I’m speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart
We rip the start, the colors disappear
I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here

This part of the chorus just makes me even more confused because they could have shout her name in excitement, like they brought her into power or something and now they whisper it because she’s too powerful, and dangerous and even saying her name is dangerous. But this section also makes me think that people would shout her name to get her in trouble or to push her down, and since she’s dead, they don;’t like talking about her, or they are whispering because they are gossiping about why she killed herself.

The “I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here,” makes me think she’s in a grave. There are people down there that never got their chance to shine because they took their own lives.

I don’t know what the true meaning of the song is, but I’m definitely leaning more towards suicide, even though that doesn’t really match up with what I remember about Mockingjay.

Any thoughts?

Much Love,

Nicole (bored out of her mind)

P.S. It’s October 3rd

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