College: Why I’m Not Ready 

Maybe some of you have the same feelings/fears? This post actually doesn’t even begin to cover all the layers of fears I have about this. 

College is just on the horizon… I can almost taste the freedom, the accountability I will have all to myself, and I’m completely freaking out about it. The most time I’ve ever spent away from my parents was a week. One week. That’s all. How am I supposed to go weeks plural, without seeing their familiar faces and hearing their voices? I know it’s going to happen, but in my head I can’t fathom it. I know it’s pathetic. Some kids are moving across the country. They’ll probably only see their parents on holidays and school breaks… maybe. 
Some kids go to college on the other side of the country to get away from their parents, but I’m not like that. I like living at home, I love my family, and things at home are really really good. 
Leaving my parents isn’t the only thing I’m worried about. If it were, I wouldn’t be this stressed out. I’m also worried about the kind of city I’ll be living in. 
I’ve lived in the suburbs my entire life and now I’m moving to the capital of the state. I’ll be living “downtown.” Let me tell you all something. “Downtown” freaks me out the most. In cop shows they always say they’ll have to take the suspect “downtown.” I don’t really want to be where the cops take all the criminals. That’s totally not the ideal situation for me. Maybe if I wanted to be a journalist on the front lines of a breaking story, or one that wants to uncover some wrong doing, or go undercover and report on the city’s prostitution problem, then maybe I’d be fine living “downtown,” but I just want to work for a southwestern based magazine (Sunset) and write about the seasons best desert plants or maybe even bands that are from our region. 
I’m pretty pathetic; I know. But I can’t help the way I feel. I also really can’t seem to get over the homeless issue that plagues my future home. I don’t want to have anything against the homeless. I don’t know how they got there, what kind of people they are, or what their life story is, but they scare the crap out of me. Maybe if I was the type of journalist who wanted to uncover problems and hold people accountable, I would find in them an opportunity to produce a great story. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and because of the homeless problem, I know I’m going to be afraid to leave my dorm room. 
Speaking of my dorm room, I already know my roommate and that’s absolutely fantastic, but we’ve only known each other for about a year and I’m having trouble connecting with her. I don’t understand why, I mean, in most ways, we’re basically the same person. It’s probably just because it’s not the same as my relationship with my best friend, who I won’t see for probably months once school starts and I can’t deal with that. I’m not dealing with it very well already so this is going to be awful. 
I haven’t even talked about how much this freaking college thing costs, because every time I do, I cry a little bit. 

Everyone keeps telling me that college is going to be so amazing and it’ll be totally worth all the struggle once I get my degree and officially start my life, but what if it isn’t? 
I’m hoping to kind of use this blog to help me sort through all the confusing feelings and track my journey. 

Only 21 more days. 
Much love, 


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